


I'm proud of us

by Party_Barnes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 15:21:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1823185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Party_Barnes/pseuds/Party_Barnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean writes a suicide note to Sam after Castiel dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm proud of us

**Author's Note:**

> I thought that I would write a short suicide note from Dean to Sam after Castiel's grace burned out.

Sammy,

I know it's wrong to do it like this, but I have to. I don't think I can face you again, so you will find this letter when you get back from your hunt. Cas' Grace burned out yesterday. I held him in my arms and watched the life leave his body. His wings are charred into my skin, a permanent reminder of the mark he left on me. 

Remember when we were kids? And I took you to the park and taught you to ride a bike? Dad was so mad at me that night. I sent you to the store to get us some dinner so you wouldn't have to see but, he beat me so bad Sammy. I was supposed to be teaching you how to assemble your gun that day, but I'm so glad you were able to be a kid for just a while. Anyway Sammy, I need you to know that I took all of those beatings for you, so that you could have the life you wanted. I used to feel like I failed you, dragging you back into this mess - but I see you now. I see the strong, capable man you have become, and I am so proud of you. Proud of us. 

I don't ever want you to feel like you are responsible for this, because it's all me. I loved Cas with all my heart. He was the one who kept me strong when you couldn't, and he was the one who made me realise how much I needed my baby brother. Because you don't need me anymore Sammy, you're stronger than I ever was. But I've grown weak. Too weak. I miss him, Sam. There is no way that I can live, knowing that he died for me. You know what made it worse? His last words to me were, "I love you, Dean. I'm so sorry, try to forgive me." I never realised it, but I never told him that I forgive him for everything he did, for everything he put me through. But I do forgive him, I have for a long time. Now that he is gone I can feel my humanity slipping away, and I don't want you to ever see that. So I've got my gun in my hand Sam. Don't worry, little brother. I'm heading out today, somewhere far away so you won't have to find me. 

I love you, Sammy. Don't try to bring me back, don't try to fix things - because they aren't broken. I wouldn't do this if I thought you still needed me, but it's time for you to fight your own fight, and for me to finally tell Cas I forgive him. 

I'm proud of us.

Dean.


End file.
